Ahhhh...

The drought has ended.  The ban has been lifted.  Those 46 days (1104 hours) are now behind me (until next year).  I've already downed a large iced mocha latte with sugar and whipped cream along with too many Reese's PB cups.  Now I'm eyeing the ears of a solid chocolate bunny and cannot wait to indulge.

That's all I can write for now as I have an addiction to feed.

I'll Show You Mine...

Over my semesters teaching at TU, I have asked many of you to create a bucket list.  One problem that this generates is that most of you are young (Yes, I’m still young, too – holding at 29 always!) and you have difficulty identifying with things to do before your demise.  So I say look at a bucket list in terms of what you’ll achieve in life. 

Here’s mine and these are not in any particular order. This list is short but I’m leaving some room to add to it over the years.    

Learn how to play the drums.  As a child, I played the flute.  What fun is this?!  I wanted to rock out and still have that chance.  Maybe I’ll form a band with other moms.  Yeah!

Own an Audi R8.  I must own this sweet ride one day.  How I don’t know since it’s well beyond my means.  I would have to win the lottery, but that won’t be possible because I seldom play.  I could sell a kidney as one of students suggested.   That’s plausible. 

Travel to Ireland.  This has been a dream of mine for a long time; however, I don’t know if it’s possible since I hate to fly.  I’m over my fear of it now, but I still abhor this mode of travel.

Take up ballroom dancing.  Yes, I find this very exciting.  Sorry. 

Put a smile on someone’s face every day.  I’m happy when others are. 

Never judge anyone and see the good in all people.  This one I’ve already achieved and continue to do on a daily basis.   

Sell one of my screenplays and procure a bit part in the movie.  It would, of course, have to be a part that is totally out of character for me.

Live long enough to see my grandchildren.   I’m on earth for the long haul.  I want to reach 100 years!

Learn to play golf.   I already play putt-putt golf.  Does that count for something?

Make a difference to my students.  I realize I’m a bit of a hard-nose when it comes to grading, but this is because I want to see all of you achieve what I know you can.  You may not like to write, but after you leave my class, my hope is that you’ll have a better appreciation for this craft I know so well and love so much. 

Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead

After having conferenced with each of you this semester, I had several decisions to make.  Listening to all you had to say, it is now painfully obvious to me that my classroom policies are much too harsh.   I do thank all of you for your feedback and value it more than you may be aware. 

You’ll be happy to know that The Queen has been dethroned, overthrown, ousted, usurped and must now go into exile unless I implement a new doctrine.  In order to meet the demands of my students, both current and future, I present the following. 

No longer will I assign homework.  I now recognize that this is such a burden on all of you.  Asking you to read short essays and respond to them does take more time than you have to dedicate to this task as Facebook stalking and Twitter talk takes precedence over what I require.

No longer will I worry about punctuation problems in your formal essays.  Who really does care that there are 17 uses for the comma?!  Surely I shouldn’t expect you to know that fact or where the proper placement is of this dreaded feature within your sentences.  This will no longer be corrected in my trademark green or purple ink.

No longer will I require MLA formatting.   A student once asked me why there can’t be one uniform style across the board for every college department.  I wished I could answer that question, but alas I could not.  Papers turned in with 2-inch margins, no name or date, and a 25-point font are A-okay with me. 

No longer will I give you a mere week to write a first draft and then a another week to complete the revision.  I understand that this simply isn’t enough time for you to rearrange your schedule.   Although for the life of me, I can’t fathom why this is the case.  I beg and plead of you not to wait until the 11^th hour and tell you that my assignments must be put before all else.  So, whatever fits your schedule will work perfectly.   

No longer will I ask you not to text while in class.  I always catch it, but that doesn’t seem to stop anyone.  When I see you smile, chuckle, or grin while looking at your lap I assume that is what you’re doing.  Unless…

No longer will I require you to do a presentation in class.  You’d rather come to class, sit in the chair, listen to my voice, take notes, and leave.  This is so much more exciting than hearing the interesting facts your classmates are showing you.

No longer will I take attendance.  If you wish to come in, do so.  If not, so be it. 

No longer will I worry if your argument is sound.  You can commit every writing fallacy known, but it will no longer matter.  If you have words on the paper that make some sense, it’s all good. 

I hope this appeases all of you as it is my aim to please those who live in my Queendom.  I have made my peace with the issue.  Once you approve this list, I am cognizant that it must be adhered to each and every day. 

You must be fully aware that today is dedicated to tomfoolery, AKA The Day for Fools – something you shouldn’t take me for. 

Gotcha!